My Final Thoughts as a host dad.

Sorry this is a late post - but was relaxing over this past Summer, school has started for the children and things are going back to normal.

The exchange year came to a close.

The year has come to an end for our exchange student, Aya from Okinawa, Japan.

 I wish I could say there were more ups than downs as it has been a fairly odd ride during her stay with our family.

As there are many personalities and traits people have we choose a Japanese student because collectively they have been known to be the most honest, had less animosity if something didn’t go their way, no known cases where stealing from host families occurred and the discipline the children have were bar none, as they were raised to honor, respect their elders.

 We’ve heard some horror stories of students:

-          false claims were made about sexual advances

-          stolen merchandise like jewelry, money, items from the host homes

-          leaving the home without permission

-          skipping school to hang with friends

-          complete communication breakdown from host family to student

 

Also we’ve heard horror stories of families;

-          Hatred and lewd comments from host kids toward the student quits (presumed jealousy)

-          Stealing from the host kids bankrolls

-          True claims about sexual advance, which brings a whole other international consequence thing into the picture.

-          Students forced to be a live in baby-sitter

-          Students basically imprisoned and unable to go anywhere

 

Believe me we weighed the pros and cons and read through the letters from students to try and narrow them down as soon as they became available.

There were several caveats: I choose only one country because it’s part of my heritage and wanted my own children to see and live with a 100% Japanese girl to learn and get culturally enriched with some of the language, enjoy food and learn etiquette from what I thought to be an honorific society, in general.

Unbeknownst to us; there are many countries who have values and etiquette instilled in their children and taught how to behave when abroad.  I guess I can say I was naïve.

Another limitation was that fact that the High School she was to attend had very strict limit to their acceptance of the SLEP score.  I believe this is the Second Language English Proficiency test which was given to each student prior to coming here.  Her score was the highest from the current selection of students from Japan.

It saddens me to think we turned down other student whom could have been a great match for our children and had less conflict of interests. As we viewed through we separated lower SLEP scores from the higher ones.

I learned later that other schools in the state as well as the country didn’t hold exchange students at strict as the school in our district; which is what I agree with.  Its not like this is a real diploma they are getting, it’s a year to exchange ideas and see what American Schools and family are like, not based solely how well they perform on tests and homework.

European countries and some Asian countries had some real good candidates with high SLEP scores – but hind sight is 20/20 and we’ve also learned from some other families it is often best to accept a student that doesn’t come from an affluent family and they will appreciate more what your family does for them than say someone who comes from a family of physicians or high level design engineer.

Aya’s family participation has decline fairly steadily throughout the year, retreating to her space away from the family often. Checking emails, web browsing (mostly in Japanese, thus getting away from culture immersion), texting her friends from school whom seem to be pressuring her more and more to becoming a rebel (breaking curfews etc, skipping class and focusing only on the fun stuff and hanging out).

Aya spent several hundred dollars shipping things back to Japan because she didn’t want to bring extra heavy luggage on the flight to her friends’ home in Tokyo, as her plan was to spend a few days there before returning home to Okinawa.

She had been packing things over four to five days, dragging her feet most of the way. Sadly she threw a lot of things away that she didn’t or couldn’t pack, instead of offering them to my daughters or Good Will. 

As my oldest had her birthday, she hadn’t purchased a card or present for her own (host sister). This I am sure hurt my daughter as she shared her life, room and friends with her.

This also made my wife even more upset and was waiting week to week to see if she would come up with one.

Her last week here she made half a dozen farewell 8 x 11 posters all decorated with magazine and photo clippings to her friends along with farewell parting gifts.

This created higher tension during the last week.  She hardly ever spoke at the dinner table, even though we encouraged her to speak and tell us about her day and plans.  Completely avoided eye contact most of the time. I thought maybe Japanese girls do this to be polite, but it seemed more so that she was just avoiding any interaction if possible – if they don’t see me then I am not really here.

Her last two nights were odd, as Aya’s never planned ahead or if she did she pretended to be unaware of it and have one of her friends call her and say “Oh, can I go hang out with so-n-so or go to the Mall” or “can I attend a graduation party for so-n-so”. 

So the 2^nd to the last night she stayed the entire day going from party to party. We thought she was done and had enough.

The last night she got up early and packed her remaining items. Then she asked my wife if she can go hangout with friends again, this time my wife told her no she could not and had to stay home.  My other daughters were in school still but had a half day.  My oldest came home and read a note written from her friend saying that Aya came with us to the mall several towns over and would be brought home by 9 p.m.

This obviously ticked my wife and myself off pretty bad, as my wife was planning on cooking a stir-fry meal for Aya and review the year and have the girls spend some Q-Time together on her last night here.

We made appropriate calls to the agency to notify them of the incident and is basically the final straw amongst previous interventions.

As we saw this, it was a Plan B option they knew nothing could be done about it being the last day and all.  Passive defiance or passive aggression is what I think it was.

The next morning she brought out letters from her mom (written in Japanese) that were sent over the past couple months and only brought out now!!? 

She also brought out a photo album, sparsely populated with pictures she took of the family and event through the year, but looked as if it was hastily put together and I believe was a request of all of the student to a similar gift for their host families along with whatever else they felt like doing.  (That was all we got)

Personal letters to each of us were written expressing her gratitude for her stay with us, saying basically all the same things.

It was a long quiet ride to the airport, as my kids had their last day of school and wife had to work.

Eventually I spoke to her at the airport expressing my discontent with the whole situation.

We met a representative at the airport who had their own student from Thailand who was taking the same flight.

Aya started talking more once they were present – presumably to make the impression like nothing was wrong.

I received a parting hug and she whispered that she was sorry for the other night.  She showed some emotion (wet eyes) as she and he went through security and passed through the gate.

Still I get this odd feeling that there is an empty space in my life or a missing family member in my home as I walk through it.  I didn’t think I’d get that kind of feeling as living with her was difficult at times – having to try to keep a smile on all the time and keep emotions in check during the whole stay.

This concludes my experience with our first real exchange student.

We didn’t test the water we just dove in.  There were 2 month options for the Summer and the whole year exchange, I’d recommend the short term to get a feel for it before anyone makes a decision.

Parting note: Cleaning up items she left behind for trash, we found some Christmas gifts, Birthday gifts and some Origami my daughter made for her to take as a keep sake - all set aside for trash pick up. Talk about the last nail in the coffin - my youngest was hurt after seeing that.

- She also didn't send a birthday card on my youngest's birthday nor the little eraser's (Cute erasers in the shape of Japanese food items) she promised to send her upon her return.

Graduation Day at last!

Well the big day arrived on Sunday. Aya had completed her year in an American High School as a Senior.

For her it was a sad day because she now doesn't get to see the friends she had made in school. Her circle of friends isn't as large as some of the other exchange students in the organization. Most of it is attributed to how receptive she was to making new friends - most of who approached her, instead of her reaching out to them.

As I've stated before - we encouraged her to meet some of my daughters friends, but somehow there was no real connection and she shied away from hanging with them. I don't believe she gave it much of a try to be honest, she had already in her mind who she wanted to befriend.

The graduating class was 300 strong - although it went fairly quickly, started filming - but ran out of battery time.

She attended a graduation party for one of her friends and plan on hitting up a few more parties before she prepares for her departure.

Bright lights, big city...indeed!

Well we finally did it. We booked a trip to NYC and even decided to spend one night there.

It was little hectic as we drove down to New Haven, CT to catch a train (Metro-North) into the city during a week-day. I purchased the tickets ahead of time and recommend it in case it gets busy. I purchased off-peak tickets to save a bit with the whole family.

My goal was to get to see the Grand Central Station – as it’s been depicted in many movies: The Day After Tomorrow and most recently I AM LEGEND or at least the Times Square part was.

You can’t go to the city without at least taking in a Broadway play if you hadn’t seen one. We truly wanted to see WICKED but unfortunately it’s usually a sell out and I wasn’t able to obtain tickets for the booked day.

We took a family vote and the next best choice we saw was Phantom of the Opera.

As tourists we choose the All Classic New York Sightseeing choice by double-decker bus (open top). We could not have chose a better week in New York weather wise it was 70-75 both days and the evening was also perfect.

Lots of walking around Times Square day and night (especially was awesome) all lit up.

Places we actually stopped were: Battery Park, Liberty Island (we were too late and the crowd was incredible to reach Ellis Island), Ground Zero (under heavy construction), Strawberry Fields in Central Park, The Dakota Building and of course our Hotel the Beacon.

The bus ride took a large chunk of our time because it was a long loop and its supposed to be hop on and hop off, well the problem is the buses that come around every 30 minutes are also pretty full so good luck hopping on.

Aya was excited and tired all wrapped in one – I’ve never been to Tokyo but I can only imagine its similar or maybe more jam packed with people.

Key Points and opinions:

• 
  Train ride to NYC was about 1.2 hours
  


• Grand Central was pretty open in the center and had some nice ceiling paintings, believe it to be Astrological.
  
• 
  Bus ride is only nice on the 2nd deck and if there is room.


• Taxi rides were crazy and a disadvantage with 5 people as they can only take 4 (so double fare) two cabs.


• Lots of walking is tiring (no wonder New Yorkers are fairly thin)
  


• Time Square is awesome looking at night

• NYC Planet Hollywood restaurant isn’t all that (food and service poor)


• NYC Hard Rock Café food and service was really good, we enjoyed the singer/band item contributions displayed (have been to quite a few HR and this is one of the better ones)


• To see the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Isle I would recommend going first thing, as we somehow with the slow buses didn’t make it in time, even though we pre-purchased our tickets. So we only got to see the Statue and even then you have to buy another ticket for the museum to get to go into the base (only) as now there are restrictions to entering the statue. Also the security check point prior to the ferry was annoying.
  




• Ground Zero was just a big hole with lots of construction, not sure what I expected but thought there would be more to it like a shrine. There is a tribute place but they were charging 10 bucks a head (that’s not fair)
  
• Strawberry Fields – was nice but smaller than I imagined


• The Dakota Building was nice: My wife is a big Beatles Fan and basically mourned at the site of where John was shot. Ironically we spoke of wanting to meet Yoko as we had heard she still lives there. Lo and behold she comes walking up the side walk and passed us! We didn’t realize it until it was too late – hat and dark sun-glasses. My wife was shocked and felt blessed to come close to someone that close to John Lennon.


• We missed our opportunity to go in the Ladies Shopping district along 5th Ave and Macy’s multi-floor store. (maybe lucky for me)


• The M&M Store was nice (the girls loved it)
  

• The Virgin Music store was 3 floors of cool music items and books.
  
• The Phantom of the Opera was amazing (I was surprised as I figured it to be an old outdated play and boring). Little hard to understand the Opera songs, though in English.
  
• Empire State Building: Long lines, security check points and long wait. (Will never try it again until I want to kill 2-3 hours) our problem was we tried to squeeze it in before the train home and was stuck with the clock ticking. Another series of unfortunate events was we opted to take the last 6 stories up to the deck because the elevator line was going to be delayed. [needless to say we are out of shape – we were completely out of breath] – it gave you an appreciation of what the NYC Firefighters had to do while entering the Trade Towers stairs for rescue.
  
• McDonald’s (world’s largest eat-in) was awesome in lighted marquee but reminded me of a Night Club because they played videos projected on every wall.
  
  All-in-all it was a fun experience up to the very end, when we were offered a Limo ride to the train station which seemed to be normal. They too want to make money anyway they can and was better than grabbing two taxis to split up 5 people.
  
  When all was said and done, we arrived home somewhere around 3 a.m. Woot!
  
  

Opening the lines of communication.

This past week we had the exchange organization representative visit and discuss how Aya and our family was getting along.

A few weeks prior Aya had gone over the reps home in order to get a feel how Aya behaves and they also had a Japanese volunteer from the organization meet with her address any questions she had and concerns.

We basically sat down all together to discuss some of the quirky things we've noticed and to have her ask or mention anything that makes her uncomfortable so we possible can fix things on our end.

The rep spoke with us as family without Aya first to get our take and then with Aya alone to piece together what we said then we got together and discussed it as group.

Some of our questions were answered and you wonder why these questions weren't asked early on. The problem was we felt this was normal to be shy and withdrawn - but she said she was being respectful and didn't want to cause any problems. Aya told us if we see something odd - just come out and ask her what is wrong and she will try to explain.

There were a few key points that came up well all will work on:

1) Communication:

a) If we have a concern don't discuss it behind closed doors with your spouse before knowing the whole deal, instead discuss it as a group.

b) When you see if the student is depressed or not including themselves with the family - include them. Everyone regardless from what country has their own personality and Aya is a reserved person by nature.

2) Breakfast items not eaten shouldn't be left about half eaten: Half a bagel, half a pop-tart

3) Calling and planning ahead: If the student wants to stay after school text at lunch time stating the intentions in case the family has other plans.

The one thing that seemed to bum her the most are her grades, which she is trying hard but struggling in some subject to maintain a C+ as most her grades when in Japan were A's - so it came a quite a blow to her self-esteem.

We explained that 3 years of English isn't going to provide you with enough to obtain A's in an American High School in every subject. She did express that she wants us to correct her English more often - but we are somewhat jaded because my mother speaks English with a Japanese accent so we don't even bat an eye when something is pronounced wrong - we know what is meant and carry on.

As a family we told her we will correct her English on the fly to help her - she feels like her English has gotten worse not better. We will see how it goes.

Family gathering went well.

The family cook-in went well. All who originally planned on attending came and we included our neighbors as well for an impromptu sit down for a "Taste of Japan", minus the Sushi.

I sort of knew, but had forgotten how long it takes to prepare and cook a Japanese meal. There are so many steps and things you have to remember and the multitude of dirty dishes, bowls and cutting surfaces it can create.

My mom decided to make a selection of the ton of stuff we had available. I also went shopping that morning and picked up $130.00 more of items we didn't have on hand from the local supermarket.

On the menu that day: Gyoza, gohan, okonomiyaki, niku-jaga and tons of tempura.

We started with the Gyoza making - my mom had two kinds of Gyoza skins one made in Japan and the other package had more but made in China. We involved at least 4 people in actual folding of the skin around mom's secret ingredients. The only ones my mom was able to buy that were Japanese skins which were actually for a dish called Shumai and were square, but they worked the same.

The unfortunate problem was the Chinese skins were thicker and after making about a dozen or so were found them to have mold in the under lying layers in over 12 more skins and some on the sides. Talk about an embarrassing moment. Quality and freshness seems to be in question when getting this type of food from China, in my opinion.

We cut up shrimp, peas, beans, carrots, onions and broccoli and made tempura. I couldn't find the box mix I had bought, so mom whipped up her own - it tasted better from scratch. I think we all agreed on that.

Plate after plate was being passed around of the different tempura and Gyoza then we still had niku-jagaimo to eat which is what Aya choose as her dish to make. It basically is meat and potatoes, but in a beef stew sort of way without the soupy part of the stew. I thought it tasted good - reminded me a bit of the way I eat curry rice.

Rice was put out on the table, but for some reason it wasn't making its way to the plates as people seemed more interested in eating the tempura and gyoza. (The rice was eaten next day as a left-over meal for me).

Oh, I forgot mom made home made french fries - but they were gone in minutes. Surprisingly simple and more tasty than McDonald's or Burger King. We used Russet Potatoes and were deep fried in Canola oil.

I noticed that the shrimp went fast both mediums and jumbo.

We all enjoyed the meal and at the end we post-celebrated Aya's birthday (as my family couldn't attend the real date).

Cook Fest 2008!

Getting excited for a family gathering sponsored by me. Although I can attribute it to viewing some of the Blogs I read that show foods.

My mother plans on coming over and preparing some Japanese dishes - I requested 'Gyoza', cooked her way. The recipe she whips up is something she learned when in Japan and she slightly modified it by adding a little more (quality) meat.

There are several different ways to make these and recently I've learned they serve them in some US establishments and call them Pot-Stickers.

The recipe seen is pretty much typical, though mom's is better.

We are going to take this opportunity to have Aya cook some food items she brought with her and some that her mom sends in some of the packages she sends about one every two months.

It's funny, as these packages are sort of what her mom must think as emergency relief packages. They contain teenage magazines, books, comfort foods and snacks to remind her of home and to lessen what kind of homesickness she may have.

I am sure there will be more samplings and have invited my sister who rarely has the time to visit us and the girls.

One of our neighbors recently allowed me to utilize his snow blower since basically to be cheap I shoveled through most of the storms we've had. So in turn I invited him and his wife over on the scheduled Saturday.

My favorite soup is Miso Soup:

Happy Birthday Aya!

Yes, officially Aya has now turned 18 years old yesterday.

She's come home to tell us she has had cake in school where they threw her a surprise birthday party and again at her friends house where her friend from Thailand was celebrating her own birthday (ironically).

Aya last night revealed the fact that she was utterly sick of eating cake as she has had cake the past 3 days for one occasion or another.

As she made that statement my wife brought up a cake with 18 lit candles to the table after dinner, she looked at me with the "OMG" look.

Her mom had sent her a package from Japan with all kinds of snacks and goodies, plus a gift. I told Aya that she could only open up the present from her mom on her actual birthday, sticking with our American tradition. (She was tempted though)

She opened up her gift from her mom, "Jewelery" to include earrings. I believe I mentioned in an earlier post that Aya requested to get her ears pierced but in the state of Massachussetts, no place we went to would allow it without her real parent(s) present. The only way she get her's done is if she was 18 years of age, but this was last Summer when she tried hard to get it done before the start of school.

Well the waiting game was over and we will be taking her to one of the many malls to get hers done properly - she's excited about the excursion.

Her mom did send her a doing-it-yourself home-kit, though I know she tried on her own - but not sure it came out well enough as I didn't see her wearing any after the first month of trying it. My guess is that it wasn't centered and looked akward.

Amongst her gifts we focused on getting her car key chains, car bling stuff because her mom told her when she returns home - she's got a car waiting for her to drive. We of course could not top this gift (mom's always seem to have the trump card).

She told us that she had tried to blow out all the candles when given the cake at school and she failed there, so I told her her wishes she makes before blowing out the candles won't come true if you don't do it in one breath.

She huffed - and - puffed and they were out.

Photo Recap

Apparently I am a little behind in the photo posting department but here are a few.

Images of Halloween, Homecoming, Thanksgiving and Christmas.

The exchange

(To see more click the picture above)

Super Blunder Sunday

As Aya’s American High School Football team has a unbeaten record, she has heard a lot about sports after the Sox Victory in October and now her attention was turned toward the New England Patriots.

To be honest, I am a 49’ers fan – but my alternate group is the N.E. Patriots. Aya told me a lot of boys where Patriot’s shirts and hats this time of year.

So we hunkered down with all the goodies my wife prepares: Cheese dips, chicken fingers, chips, some kind of pesto cheese thingy that was also good and watched the game.

As the game seemed to stagnate after the score was 7 and 3, then all hell broke loose when it seems the Patriot’s offense couldn’t do what they have been doing all year and the Giants Defense were doing what they do best.

Of course there were some questionable calls in the Giants favor, but overall the Giants played well.

We were hyping up Aya’s stating that see you are lucky to be in a state where the baseball team and the football team have been elites. (I obviously inserted my foot in mouth on the later).

Thoughts about our current status with our student.

Time seems to going by rather quickly after the Holiday rush has passed and we look to be getting back into the same ol' grind. Me back to work and the kids and my wife back to school.

Recently Aya had to hand in a research paper for History class. One which she feels is over burdened with work, especially for someone who is new to the country and is still grasping our language.

I have to admit she isn't putting as much effort into learning English as I had hoped. Viewing her desk area, I still see the worksheets I gave her to practice her cursive (penmanship) which she had not touched.

We both are getting the impression she didn't come to America to exchange culture, but merely was an escape to see America and do as many fun things she can at other peoples expense.

I try not to put a negative spin, but sometimes things get rough with exchange students. I think mostly some of these kids come from well-to-do families and though they've studied hard to at least get this far, they simply expect to live like a guest still in our homes.

At this point, I no longer view her as a guest but as person who lives her and has responsibilities just like I would expect from our own children. The host family isn't supposed to be a shuttle service or just a place to crash; at least in my eyes.

I have heard some stories of children from other countries who are really wild and crazy and put a bad taste in the families who host as I am sure students who stay can tell some wild stories of how bad the host families were to them.

You have to take the good with the bad. I am trying to find the silver lining and keep the family in a happy co-existence.

Negative Key Points I've noticed so far:

• The expectation that every day should be an entertaining day for her: e.g. Go to the mall and hang out, shopping, go to a party, go hang out with friends (some of whom have boyfriends of 21) all to prevent boredom, which she says often.
• Homework isn't going always going to be easy and if you have questions ask the teacher for help. The teacher's have expressed to me if she has any questions what-so-ever please have her e-mail them as the teachers regularly check their mail at night. This is almost never done.
• Time management and poor planning is constant.

a) School work isn't started until just after dinner and the children get home by 2:30 pm, thus she stays up until mid-night to complete the assignments.

b) She lately has been wanting to go over friends houses, which isn't a bad thing but she never knows how she is going to get there, the time frame of stay and who is going to pick her up. - it seems to be spontaneous.

• Fails to make a whole-hearted attempt to get to know my oldest friends, even when they come over and/or invite her to the mall or movies. She seems to relate more to my youngest daughter than our oldest who is a High School Freshman rather than a 5th grader.
• Keeps to herself though we've invited her to play board games and watch a movie with us, instead she'd rather text page her friends from school or watch a DVD movie on the portable player.
• My oldest daughter was expecting someone she could hang out with and enjoy things together, to share their life experiences and culture exchange - but none of that is occurring which is sad.
• Spends more time on Japanese web sites and Myspace than she ought to - though she does ask for permission to use the PC when my oldest is on her own (shared PC).
• Forgot her mothers birthday - no phone call or card and failed to send a New Year's Card which is celebrated more over in Japan.

Positive Key Points:

• She enjoys Boston, and looks forward to every trip there. Especially because she knows there are a few Japanese shops there and mini-mall with back alley eateries like one would find in the outskirts of Osaka or Tokyo, or at least if you use your imagination you can see yourself there.
• She plays with our youngest often, whether its tickle fights, scare fights, Nintendo and general sibling taunting and teasing up to the point when they annoy each other because they don't know went to stop.
• Does most of her chores regularly except feeding the fish - I suppose if you come from a country that spends a lot of time eating them, rather than thinking of them as pets. (I am expecting dead fish before the Summer)
• Is quiet most of the time and asks permission to enter our PC/Office room every time we are in there and stands patiently at the door until we acknowledge her for her to ask.
• Never talks during car rides: Long or short (this is in a positive section because its nice to not hear fighting from that side of the car).

MMPOGs are eating into my day-to-day life

I am learning the hard way that on-line gaming can steal precious life hours away, especially if play time is nearing addiction. I will seek to lessen my time and do it in moderation, as I realize the year has gone by so much more quickly missing out on some days outdoors with family.

It’s sort of a life bandit, takes away from time you could be spending elsewhere with family, friends or doing something knowledgeable.

http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/world-of-warcraft.htm

I am curious as to how many other families have lost a soul to this world or one like it?

This is Halloween

Aya expressed that she was interested in the American traditions such as Halloween and Christmas.

I thought it was only fair to introduce her to what teenagers enjoy during the spooky season.

We took a trip with my daughter’s arts & craft club to Salem, Massachusetts. The town was having a festival specifically to celebrate Halloween and the fact that Salem is deemed the town in America to have its first Witch Trials back circa late 1700’s.

It was a little over 2 hours to get there and once there we did a lot of walking. She entered one of the Nation’s first candy shops there and viewed the “House of the 7 Gables” from the parking lot. Heard it was an interesting tour (though we did not have time to do the tour).

Some of the bizarre things we viewed that days while walking around town was this family dressed in blood-spattered clothing (much like the people in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie) walking around pushing a baby carriage fully of severed body parts (disturbing to say the least) – it’s the side of the Halloween that could be left to the imagination. I supposed one could call it a roving art exhibit of the macabre.

We also isolated a date to visit a Haunted House walk-through (not a real one). I was doing a search on the web for something fun, similar to what I was used to as a kid and found this place in Douglas, Ma.

The Haunted Mansion Douglas

Of course, the night I choose was dark and stormy, literally. Fortunately for October, the weather wasn’t freezing. The rain was relentless – I can’t remember the last time I was more drenched – though I had partial cover from an umbrella and wore what I thought was a water-proof jacket. The cue for entry of this event was winding outside by a garage. The entry fee of course was the best part – all we had to do is purchase canned goods (vegetables and the like). At first I thought, how good could a thing like this that doesn’t charge real admission – I later was surprised all the work these people put into, I left impressed.

I brought all my daughters (Aya and my own). I hadn’t completely made up my mind about bringing my youngest 10 to this place, but since no one else was home to watch her, I thought she would be able to handle it; and she did.

Though Halloween has passed, I did pick up pumpkins to carve one night this week – it’s not just the day, but the events she will remember and bring home with her.

She had made a few friends at school, one of whom is that girl from Thailand who invited Aya to go Trick-or-Treating. Even though we expressed our dismay, since she is approaching 18 years old and that American kids aren't usually given candy at that age if they go door-to-door. She went to a neighboring town where there are more homes in close proximity (more candy) and accepts older teens (probably in lieu of getting their cars toilet papered, eagerly give out candy instead).

Going to the World Series

RED SOX did it ...

Aya watched intently as Matsuzaka pitched and then Okajima pitched and the game was saved from a near certain loss by Papelbon save in Game 7!!

Just had to add that into the Blog somehow, as I will update the happenings in a bit.

Just showed Aya that she came to Massachusetts at a good time; Boston Red Sox came back after down 3 to 1 in the series and the New England Patriots are cleaning house in the Football department, not to mention the High School Aya attends has an undefeated Football Team...

Will post more after the celebration and work tomorrow!

Head Lines

Observations: Familia Alignment

It has been a little over two months now, since our exchange student has entered our home. She has met our family and extended family (to include my parents, my in-laws and our siblings and significant others).

I think she feels pretty comfortable in our home; she helps herself to anything in the fridge and has keys our home in case no one is around when she comes home from school, which is rare.

My wife has noticed that she tends to gravitate towards me when it comes to arranging meetings with friends, help with homework or just talk about how her day went. My wife says she only gets one or two word replies where I get a more verbose response.

My personal feeling is that because I am part Japanese and have a limited knowledge of the language and a better understanding of their culture – I am a person she trusts and can relate to better.

Several things come to mind when that I understand as the norm, but my wife and oldest daughter doesn’t completely grasp.

a) Asking permission to do just about anything (such as use the phone, PC or enter our office area every time).
b) When eating a bowl of hot Ramen, the noodle is slurped in (to cool it before it is ingested).
c) Seldom if any talking during dinner at the table (our family chats away, she remains quiet and reserved).
d) Our student removes her shoes and puts on house slippers when entering our home (as I have done in the past and encouraged my children to do the same – who give me grief about it).

I am still trying to figure out what the complication is: My wife is busy doing her college work as she pursues her B.S. and spends a lot of time shut in a quiet room. Aya also comes home with homework and retreats to a room/desk set aside for her in order to study and complete homework.

Aya seldom makes eye contact with most members of the family in general. She is getting a little more involved with online (e-mails and visiting her MySpace account) than she has in the past – most of which are with her classmates and friends in Japan, some of whom are currently in the States also doing a one year stay.

My older daughter reports that she (Aya) doesn’t sit with the group of seniors on the bus to school and up front near the door so she can be the first one off and doesn’t really seem to want to hang-out with my daughter and her friends. She hasn’t stated why or why not, just seems to always have something better to do. I can only guess it is due the age difference or the fact that they are both girls who board together so sharing the same space can cause some unsettled differences (so I’ve heard amongst females).

Psychology was not a strong point of mine and here I am trying to figure out what goes on in young women’s minds. (I am thinking, yeah right!)

[Though this sounds like a critique, it is merely my observation.]

In her letter she wrote about why she wanted to visit America and become an exchange student was to learn and live American culture and share her culture with Americans.
- Actually what she shared with us some information about Okinawa and gave a gift during the first weeks, but haven’t spoken much about Japan since.
- She has not really asking the family a lot of questions about our culture, more or less living in it or existing in it.

What we expected:
- Talk about her ever day life in Japan and how they did things compared to how we do things.
- Sharing her experiences or cooking different meals
- Teaching us the Japanese and in turn having each of us teaching her our dialect and elocution.
- Our daughters becoming buddies and going a lot of places together, playing games together and giggling like school girls.
- A more open attitude, especially when we asked her to be more open and relaxed in the beginning.


I am not sure if we are the ones that are learning a new culture or are we preventing an exchange from happening.

Time will tell. We have scheduled some time with the local representatives to act as mediator, as we still have 7 more months to go and soon a cold winter to keep us in doors more often.

Final Matsuri!

Today we awoke bright and early to get to the Big-E (Eastern States Exhibition). This is a fair we've gone to almost every year it took place since I can remember. The parking can be crazy and this being the last day of the fair, we would find ourselves with all the late-comers.

It was a perfect day out, the temperature did not go above 80 deg. F and the sky was a Windows XP Desktop background blue with white puffy clouds (since I am typing on my laptop, I can see my desktop which closely resembled the day).

Our first target was hitting the States buildings (they have a state building for each state in New England) and inside there are vendors for a variety of businesses in that state (some food, clothing and jewelery). We love to visit the Maine State Building which has as long as I can remember those Main Baked Potato's with everything on for toppings, ohhhh so tasty!

We would come back for dinner at the Rhode Island State building to grab New England Clam chowder in a bread bowl and a couple of bags of Clam Cakes (my mouth is salivating again).

There are these large building with more vendors inside for items of your home and anything else that doesn't fit a category. Needless to say our feet and legs were sore after spending 10 hours walking around.

Near the end of the day we went to the Midway section (amusement rides and games), we never play the games since the chances of winning is slim-2-none. My own daughters went on elevated rotating swings and then the Flying Bob's which is like the old Music Express (rotating cars to music - forward and reverse at some fast speed). We asked Aya several times if she wanted to ride, but she turned each down (we were surprised). Alas came the Ferris Wheel, which Aya agreed to ride. She later explained that she visited Hawaii and rode a ride called the Zipper (cars climb and tumble in Ferris Wheel sort-of-way but vertically and narrow). After that it was "Once Bitten, Twice Shy".

The day ended with a parade complete with marching bands, floats with a hint of Mardi Gras (it's not just Tuesday I feel fat) and horse drawn carts like the Budweiser horses. They threw out beads from the floats (we all ended up getting something).

On the long ride home, all but the driver had fell asleep.

High School homework becomes social atrophy

Aya had been able to get in contact with the girl from Thailand and she did it all on her own, which surprised me. Perhaps it was out of sheer frustration of not being able to get a close-knit friendship started as quickly as she had hoped.

I feel she needs to open up more so on the bus and in school.

Finding her a volleyball team in this section of New England is next to impossible, since our high school has had it in the past but since been cancelled maybe because Soccer, basketball, baseball and football seem to dominate the sports around here.


I did some searching and the closest league would be at the Hudson High School which meets like 3 times a week and travels. It is just not feasible due to the 1 hour travel time to get there for a 2 hour practice.


She has made a few friends and they would like to take her to the mall to hang-out and stuff, but we told her we need to meet these students first before she goes anywhere with them in car. Rules apply as if she were my own daughter. She is not going to be allowed to get into a vehicle and carted off to some mall to hang-out without first getting to acquaint ourselves with them first. (Call me a prude, it just makes safe sense).

The homework put out in History class is pretty intense. Aya asked her friends (other exchange students from Japan) around the country and they all expressed similar concerns. Most of the tests and homework are essays (which is like a nightmare for an exchange student with only a few years of English under their belts).

I am convinced even the local kids despise History with tons of essays measure a students knowledge.

Hesitation to make contacts

Aya has been wanting to get in contact with a girl at school, who is from Thailand - another exchange student. Aya feels that the girl has an advantage, because she had gone to school in the U.K. for perhaps a part of a school year to take an intensive English course prior to coming to the United States.

I was able to get in contact with her Host mother and obtained a phone number in order for Aya to arrange a meeting time and place. I gave her an opportunity to use our phone to call and ask for her, but she back out on me and asked if I could call instead.

As it turns out the family was not home and we didn't leave a message. I really would like Aya to call and have her converse, but I feel she still isn't confident in her conversational English, especially over the phone. She seems to be just fine with chatting the car on trips and at the dinner table. Most of the time she sits quietly during long car trips looking out the window and not uttering a peep. (If I could only get my own children to do the same without pacifying them with MP3 players and Nintendo DS games).

Aya also has been making friends in school, some of whom want to bring her shopping or go to a local mall.

She used the term "Hang-out", which may still mean what we used it for back when I was a teen. Though, it seemed hanging out on the corner or somewhere was considered loitering or could signal to the local authorities that we could be trouble-makers. I suppose it all depends who it is used in context.

Restaurants, Markets and Bookstores

This weekend we took another trip towards the outskirts of Boston. Our target destination was to go to a Japanese bookstore and to follow-up with a Japanese restaurant.

I did a little homework before our departure; I found several links to a Sasuga Bookstore, in Cambridge Mass. But to my dismay the store is no longer a store and strictly an online ordering base now.

When I was younger I used to enjoy going to these smaller specialized bookstores when you could actually smell the new print and glue and thumb through the pages and magazines. Even more so today the magazines come wrapped in plastic (preventing browsing) and/or are available through orders online or subscriptions.

Over the Summer we took a trip to San Francisco and visited Japan-Town there. We found a nice bookstore there that had just the atmosphere I've come to expect.

Aside from that it did not deter me from visiting Cambridge and Natick. Our first stop was a a Japanese Buffet (that's right, not a Chinese Buffet which is all too common around New England).

I was suspicious right off the bat, because every "so-called" Japanese Cuisine and restaurant that I've been to with the exception of only a handful has been run by Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean and other. Not that I have any issue with any of those - just that when you want to buy American Beef from Nebraska (Omaha Steaks) for instance you don't go to an Spanish Grocery store and get imported beef from Europe.

It's sad to see there are so many copy-cat restaurants with pseudo Japanese names to trick average Americans into thinking they are getting authentic Japanese food from authentic Japanese chefs. There are many times when you can tell they've used substitute ingredients or foods (due to cost cutting) which is represented in the tast. Other times it's not prepared the way it is traditionally and again the taste isn't there or odd.

I am digressing - we stopped at MINADO (Japanese Buffet), the one night we passed by the front of the restaurant Aya looked in and said, "Oh, they look like Japanese Business men in there dining and are being served by Japanese waitresses."

We learned that maybe some Japanese (visitors and business people) frequent the place, the servers and chefs weren't Japanese to the best of our knowledge. On the lighter side, the buffet was quite extensive and included a menagerie of Sushi. A newspaper had a write-up about the buffet (review).

We went and the cost on a Saturday was $17 per adult and oddly $8.00 for my youngest (Child) based on the child's height. Aya was very pleased with the spread, especially when it came to Sushi. I told her it was all-you-eat but she did not pack it on as I would have expected, since I thought $17.00 was more than reasonable.

From there we went to Cambridge to shop at a small Japanese market. Again these are hard to come by here in New England, since more of the Asian markets are Chinese. This was situated on Massachusetts Avenue #1815 and was called: Kotobukiya

This was the part of the trip make Aya feel at home, she could buy what she has been craving from Japan (at a much higher cost) as she filled a plastic bag worth of stuff it was around $50.00. I think she didn't care, it made her feel good and no so isolated.

I can relate for when I was in Japan for 2 months I noticed by the end of my 1st month I begged my uncle to take me to McDonald's (oh the memories).

I also did a little research from the General of Japan in Boston - Consulate, which has tidbits of information about things going on in Japan and local happenings related to Japan. For instance, I've never even heard of the "John Manjiro Festival" in Fair Haven, MA near New Bedford, but I am plan on attending it, if possible - if not for Aya, for myself.

As it turns out that she will not be able to attend this little festival because she has a trip planned with her Exchange Organization to go to Niagara Fall, N.Y. I am certain the festival will pale incomparison to the Falls, but I wanted to put it out there for whoever wants to check it out.

Weeks seem to pass more quickly as Fall approaches.

The week came and went fairly fast, each day Aya was burdened with homework. I had to assist her on several occasions as she didn't get the full meaning of what some of the questions being asked in the History essay questions and with some of the Math word problems.

Friday soon approached, on this night the High School had a dance. In the past my oldest said these dances were boring and that the local church dances were more entertaining. I quickly pointed out to her that the church dances seemed to be more unregulated in such areas as age requirements being upheld and event the capacity of the church basement in question (in case of fire), it seemed the church was more concerned with profit than the number of attendees.

I convinced her to bring Aya to the High School dance to at least show her what they are like in the United States. To my daughter's surprise the dance was actually fun and entertaining compared to the Junior High Dances which she said no one attends. It turns out that some of her friends who made it into the church dance (over age), since it is supposed to be restricted to 5th thru 8th grade, were kicked out.

Aya said she had fun regardless, though it was held outside and the weather was typical September weather mid-50's - which she says is very cold to her.

On Saturday we spent the day down on Connecticut's shoreline in Waterford and New London - walked along the beach and got our feet wet. The water temperature at first was even icy to me, but it took about 10 minutes for it to feel tolerable.

We combed the beach for collectibles and while walking along the wave breaker (rocks) we showed her our New England 3 leafed friend "Poison Ivy", which was jutting out from some of the shrubs around the beach area already turning a mottled red.

Later we went over to Harkness Park, which was an Estate at one time of someone very wealthy, since then turned into a public park which over-looked the ocean (Long Island Sound).

In the home of the Estate and around its garden was a nice wedding, so she got to see an American Style wedding from afar. We spend a great deal on the vast lawn and found a kite which someone had lost with string intact and spent time trying to keep it aloft.

We went for some Hot Dogs at a joint called Fred's Shanty Restaurant, was better than Krusty Krab of Spongebob Squarepants. Food wasn't bad - fried clams were good. The girls went for the foot long hot dogs.

Later that evening we took a trip to the Mohegan Indian Casino. Aya had been studying about how the Native Americans were treated during the U.S. Westward expansion (take over in general), where she learned how some tribes fell into poverty, where others had rose from the ashes so to speak and developed one of the World's most successful Casino on and off the reservation. Apparently they aren't doing too bad for themselves, judging by the ever expanding buildings and hotels they are building. Even the big name entertainers are taking note and can't ignore places in little ol' Connecticut.

Foxwood's Resort Casino, another casino in South Eastern Connecticut was the first, but it seems the Mohegan's have taken that recipe and added more flavor to it and they both seem to cater to a different crowd. No matter how you slice it, someone is making money.

It was a long day to say the least, judging by the sleeping children in the car on the way home - but rest assured they weren't bored. Which is basically a typical statement from my own daughter and many teenagers. I stop to ponder how teenagers can get bored, when they have 10x more things to play with than I used to as a kid and 20x more things to do than my parents. We didn't have all this technology and could not even see 200 channels on cable or satellite. Not to mention I-pods, MP3's, Gameboys, PSP, X-Box, PC's, Huge Malls, Large Movie Theaters, NetFlix - the list grows and grows.

I would like just for once to send my daughter to Siberia and have her experience life in that climate and isolation - then she can say she's bored.