Graduation Day at last!

Well the big day arrived on Sunday. Aya had completed her year in an American High School as a Senior.

For her it was a sad day because she now doesn't get to see the friends she had made in school. Her circle of friends isn't as large as some of the other exchange students in the organization. Most of it is attributed to how receptive she was to making new friends - most of who approached her, instead of her reaching out to them.

As I've stated before - we encouraged her to meet some of my daughters friends, but somehow there was no real connection and she shied away from hanging with them. I don't believe she gave it much of a try to be honest, she had already in her mind who she wanted to befriend.

The graduating class was 300 strong - although it went fairly quickly, started filming - but ran out of battery time.

She attended a graduation party for one of her friends and plan on hitting up a few more parties before she prepares for her departure.

Opening the lines of communication.

This past week we had the exchange organization representative visit and discuss how Aya and our family was getting along.

A few weeks prior Aya had gone over the reps home in order to get a feel how Aya behaves and they also had a Japanese volunteer from the organization meet with her address any questions she had and concerns.

We basically sat down all together to discuss some of the quirky things we've noticed and to have her ask or mention anything that makes her uncomfortable so we possible can fix things on our end.

The rep spoke with us as family without Aya first to get our take and then with Aya alone to piece together what we said then we got together and discussed it as group.

Some of our questions were answered and you wonder why these questions weren't asked early on. The problem was we felt this was normal to be shy and withdrawn - but she said she was being respectful and didn't want to cause any problems. Aya told us if we see something odd - just come out and ask her what is wrong and she will try to explain.

There were a few key points that came up well all will work on:

1) Communication:

a) If we have a concern don't discuss it behind closed doors with your spouse before knowing the whole deal, instead discuss it as a group.

b) When you see if the student is depressed or not including themselves with the family - include them. Everyone regardless from what country has their own personality and Aya is a reserved person by nature.

2) Breakfast items not eaten shouldn't be left about half eaten: Half a bagel, half a pop-tart

3) Calling and planning ahead: If the student wants to stay after school text at lunch time stating the intentions in case the family has other plans.

The one thing that seemed to bum her the most are her grades, which she is trying hard but struggling in some subject to maintain a C+ as most her grades when in Japan were A's - so it came a quite a blow to her self-esteem.

We explained that 3 years of English isn't going to provide you with enough to obtain A's in an American High School in every subject. She did express that she wants us to correct her English more often - but we are somewhat jaded because my mother speaks English with a Japanese accent so we don't even bat an eye when something is pronounced wrong - we know what is meant and carry on.

As a family we told her we will correct her English on the fly to help her - she feels like her English has gotten worse not better. We will see how it goes.

Bouncing into basketball season

My own children have been playing basketball for the past 3 years and signed up again this season. We choose to include Aya this time and signed her up, because she wanted to try something on a sports team. She didn’t like the options offered: Swimming, Soccer, softball and field hockey. We encouraged her to try basketball – so she reluctantly signed up.

She missed her first practice due to being sick (she stayed home from school that day also) and missed her second practice because she was on her California trip. The coach basically said she can’t be on the team due to the fact she has not showed up (money well spent) – there is a game 12/2/07 which I think she will officially tell the coach she wants to quit.

MMPOGs are eating into my day-to-day life

I am learning the hard way that on-line gaming can steal precious life hours away, especially if play time is nearing addiction. I will seek to lessen my time and do it in moderation, as I realize the year has gone by so much more quickly missing out on some days outdoors with family.

It’s sort of a life bandit, takes away from time you could be spending elsewhere with family, friends or doing something knowledgeable.

http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/world-of-warcraft.htm

I am curious as to how many other families have lost a soul to this world or one like it?

Speeding Ticket hearing…

Had my court date for a speeding ticket I received back on Labor Day Weekend – was able to get a reduction but couldn’t get it waived. Well saving $100.00 was worth the trip instead of just paying the full $200.00. I don’t usually drive too fast and get upset when I see other flying by me on the high-way and nothing seemingly happens to them.

Oddly enough the State Troopers seem to exceed speed limit for not apparent reason without Lights or Sirens quite often. I presume there is no recourse for them; who is going to give another cop a ticket for speeding?

Observations: Familia Alignment

It has been a little over two months now, since our exchange student has entered our home. She has met our family and extended family (to include my parents, my in-laws and our siblings and significant others).

I think she feels pretty comfortable in our home; she helps herself to anything in the fridge and has keys our home in case no one is around when she comes home from school, which is rare.

My wife has noticed that she tends to gravitate towards me when it comes to arranging meetings with friends, help with homework or just talk about how her day went. My wife says she only gets one or two word replies where I get a more verbose response.

My personal feeling is that because I am part Japanese and have a limited knowledge of the language and a better understanding of their culture – I am a person she trusts and can relate to better.

Several things come to mind when that I understand as the norm, but my wife and oldest daughter doesn’t completely grasp.

a) Asking permission to do just about anything (such as use the phone, PC or enter our office area every time).
b) When eating a bowl of hot Ramen, the noodle is slurped in (to cool it before it is ingested).
c) Seldom if any talking during dinner at the table (our family chats away, she remains quiet and reserved).
d) Our student removes her shoes and puts on house slippers when entering our home (as I have done in the past and encouraged my children to do the same – who give me grief about it).

I am still trying to figure out what the complication is: My wife is busy doing her college work as she pursues her B.S. and spends a lot of time shut in a quiet room. Aya also comes home with homework and retreats to a room/desk set aside for her in order to study and complete homework.

Aya seldom makes eye contact with most members of the family in general. She is getting a little more involved with online (e-mails and visiting her MySpace account) than she has in the past – most of which are with her classmates and friends in Japan, some of whom are currently in the States also doing a one year stay.

My older daughter reports that she (Aya) doesn’t sit with the group of seniors on the bus to school and up front near the door so she can be the first one off and doesn’t really seem to want to hang-out with my daughter and her friends. She hasn’t stated why or why not, just seems to always have something better to do. I can only guess it is due the age difference or the fact that they are both girls who board together so sharing the same space can cause some unsettled differences (so I’ve heard amongst females).

Psychology was not a strong point of mine and here I am trying to figure out what goes on in young women’s minds. (I am thinking, yeah right!)

[Though this sounds like a critique, it is merely my observation.]

In her letter she wrote about why she wanted to visit America and become an exchange student was to learn and live American culture and share her culture with Americans.
- Actually what she shared with us some information about Okinawa and gave a gift during the first weeks, but haven’t spoken much about Japan since.
- She has not really asking the family a lot of questions about our culture, more or less living in it or existing in it.

What we expected:
- Talk about her ever day life in Japan and how they did things compared to how we do things.
- Sharing her experiences or cooking different meals
- Teaching us the Japanese and in turn having each of us teaching her our dialect and elocution.
- Our daughters becoming buddies and going a lot of places together, playing games together and giggling like school girls.
- A more open attitude, especially when we asked her to be more open and relaxed in the beginning.


I am not sure if we are the ones that are learning a new culture or are we preventing an exchange from happening.

Time will tell. We have scheduled some time with the local representatives to act as mediator, as we still have 7 more months to go and soon a cold winter to keep us in doors more often.

Hesitation to make contacts

Aya has been wanting to get in contact with a girl at school, who is from Thailand - another exchange student. Aya feels that the girl has an advantage, because she had gone to school in the U.K. for perhaps a part of a school year to take an intensive English course prior to coming to the United States.

I was able to get in contact with her Host mother and obtained a phone number in order for Aya to arrange a meeting time and place. I gave her an opportunity to use our phone to call and ask for her, but she back out on me and asked if I could call instead.

As it turns out the family was not home and we didn't leave a message. I really would like Aya to call and have her converse, but I feel she still isn't confident in her conversational English, especially over the phone. She seems to be just fine with chatting the car on trips and at the dinner table. Most of the time she sits quietly during long car trips looking out the window and not uttering a peep. (If I could only get my own children to do the same without pacifying them with MP3 players and Nintendo DS games).

Aya also has been making friends in school, some of whom want to bring her shopping or go to a local mall.

She used the term "Hang-out", which may still mean what we used it for back when I was a teen. Though, it seemed hanging out on the corner or somewhere was considered loitering or could signal to the local authorities that we could be trouble-makers. I suppose it all depends who it is used in context.

A hint of fluency improvement

During the week, we've been discussing with Aya her about her trips with the organization that would include missing some time with the school. We understand that the whole idea of this exchange is about learning about American culture and experience the "wow" famous places in the United States.

On the down side, her grades and class participation will be the caveat of her whole stay here. I am certain that if she does poor in school there will be some kind of meeting as to whether she can continue or not.

From what I can tell she's doing okay in Math, her Humanities (parenting) and Physical Education. American History is difficult to her - as it seems that the content when presented in class doesn't strictly follow the text book and includes handouts. Many of the homework, quizzes and test include essay questions (as I mentioned before) this is the hardest for her to understand. Essays seem to draw from your mind and abstract thinking based off of what you've read or learned. Back home in Japan, children seem to learn by wrote-memory and content taught is the same as content on tests.

While conversing with her, I can tell she is beginning to pick up normal speed conversation and responds to and asks questions more liberally. I am impressed though, since I would have thought it would take a little longer before she felt comfortable and confident in doing so.

Weeks seem to pass more quickly as Fall approaches.

The week came and went fairly fast, each day Aya was burdened with homework. I had to assist her on several occasions as she didn't get the full meaning of what some of the questions being asked in the History essay questions and with some of the Math word problems.

Friday soon approached, on this night the High School had a dance. In the past my oldest said these dances were boring and that the local church dances were more entertaining. I quickly pointed out to her that the church dances seemed to be more unregulated in such areas as age requirements being upheld and event the capacity of the church basement in question (in case of fire), it seemed the church was more concerned with profit than the number of attendees.

I convinced her to bring Aya to the High School dance to at least show her what they are like in the United States. To my daughter's surprise the dance was actually fun and entertaining compared to the Junior High Dances which she said no one attends. It turns out that some of her friends who made it into the church dance (over age), since it is supposed to be restricted to 5th thru 8th grade, were kicked out.

Aya said she had fun regardless, though it was held outside and the weather was typical September weather mid-50's - which she says is very cold to her.

On Saturday we spent the day down on Connecticut's shoreline in Waterford and New London - walked along the beach and got our feet wet. The water temperature at first was even icy to me, but it took about 10 minutes for it to feel tolerable.

We combed the beach for collectibles and while walking along the wave breaker (rocks) we showed her our New England 3 leafed friend "Poison Ivy", which was jutting out from some of the shrubs around the beach area already turning a mottled red.

Later we went over to Harkness Park, which was an Estate at one time of someone very wealthy, since then turned into a public park which over-looked the ocean (Long Island Sound).

In the home of the Estate and around its garden was a nice wedding, so she got to see an American Style wedding from afar. We spend a great deal on the vast lawn and found a kite which someone had lost with string intact and spent time trying to keep it aloft.

We went for some Hot Dogs at a joint called Fred's Shanty Restaurant, was better than Krusty Krab of Spongebob Squarepants. Food wasn't bad - fried clams were good. The girls went for the foot long hot dogs.

Later that evening we took a trip to the Mohegan Indian Casino. Aya had been studying about how the Native Americans were treated during the U.S. Westward expansion (take over in general), where she learned how some tribes fell into poverty, where others had rose from the ashes so to speak and developed one of the World's most successful Casino on and off the reservation. Apparently they aren't doing too bad for themselves, judging by the ever expanding buildings and hotels they are building. Even the big name entertainers are taking note and can't ignore places in little ol' Connecticut.

Foxwood's Resort Casino, another casino in South Eastern Connecticut was the first, but it seems the Mohegan's have taken that recipe and added more flavor to it and they both seem to cater to a different crowd. No matter how you slice it, someone is making money.

It was a long day to say the least, judging by the sleeping children in the car on the way home - but rest assured they weren't bored. Which is basically a typical statement from my own daughter and many teenagers. I stop to ponder how teenagers can get bored, when they have 10x more things to play with than I used to as a kid and 20x more things to do than my parents. We didn't have all this technology and could not even see 200 channels on cable or satellite. Not to mention I-pods, MP3's, Gameboys, PSP, X-Box, PC's, Huge Malls, Large Movie Theaters, NetFlix - the list grows and grows.

I would like just for once to send my daughter to Siberia and have her experience life in that climate and isolation - then she can say she's bored.

Homesick

We were told during pre-orientation and in the Host Family guide book this time would come. It is one of the phases a young student goes through, during their stay aboard. If it were only a few weeks, it may not have a chance to kick in, but a stay like a school year will definitely have an effect.

I think I realized she was feeling a little blue during the past 2 weeks or so, but haven't actually spoken to Aya about her feelings of homesickness due to the fear of just asking about would bring it about.

She told me that a classmate from her High School in Okinawa who is now with a Host Family is extremely homesick, which started the minute he left from Okinawa to Narita (Tokyo).

She told me she had cried on the flight over to the United States, but seems to have recovered well which is why I didn't notice. I think today she might have phoned him (using her calling card) and by just talking to him and emailing him caused her to realize that she too missed Japan (its food, its lifestyle and its TV programming).

You can see it in her eyes (holding back moisture) - she longs for eating Mochi and enjoys watching old shows on YouTube. She even has text books that are written in Japanese that her mom sent over that has English on opposite page to aid her in studying U.S. History and others which are just Manga and other magazines (comfort items).

This in conjunction of her staying in contact with her Japanese friends (exchange students in the U.S. and friends from back home) causes more emotional confusion.

Per the guide book, we are supposed to limit her contact with her home and email; it will only cause her to withdraw more so instead of being more outgoing.

I asked Aya if there was anything bothering her. She said she felt a little animosity from my oldest whom she shares a room with during her stay. It seems my oldest daughter is trying to keep ties with her friends, yet keep a connection with Aya. Allies friends seem to be winning. This only exacerbates Aya's feeling of isolation.

I spoke with Aya and told her that there is 3 years age difference and as a Freshman, Allie is going through a lot of changes (new school, old/new friends) and sometimes it can be overwhelming when she has to choose how to keep everyone happy, including her parents. The whole maturing process.

Somehow Aya feels like Allie is upset with her. I know it doesn't help when Allie's friend asks to go places without having to have a tag along - this includes our youngest daughter as well. We did explain to Allie that she would have to understand you can't just turn on or off your NEW sister because you want to go hang-out with your friends. This is part of the experience and part of the learning curve both sides have to adjust to.

We (my wife and I) questioned Allie alone about how she felt and if she was upset with Aya for anything. She told us there was no issue that she knew of. Allie had tried to invite Aya to go to the movies or mentioned that her friend wanted to go to the Spencer fair and that she was welcome. Each time Aya declined. I can only think that maybe Aya is getting the feeling from one of Allie's friends not to be included. /sigh girls...

It may be a long road to cheer Aya up and make Allie understand that we have a NEW person in the home living with us; we can't make her feel like she's not part of the family (for they have no where else to turn or go).

In the past week or so, my wife and I have noticed Aya retreating to an quiet area I set up in the downstairs entertainment room to study with desk and good lighting - a place to just get away. Some people can study just fine with music on a bed or on the floor (like Allie), where as Aya seems to be accustomed to studying at a desk in a library like environment.

School Daze

I called home to the family from work, because I couldn't wait until I arrived home to hear how the 1st day of school went. As this Blog is more about the exchange student and not my own kids; I will refrain from putting their experiences here.

Aya told me she thought that the first day was pretty good and in another sentence she said it was fun.

I was later told by my oldest that Aya was hunger after coming home from school, for she missed her lunch because she had a great deal of difficulty with the locker combinations. Apparently she's never seen a dial (numeric combination) before that we were all accustomed to - if so she's never used one.

We tried to explain to her that the numbers given were X-Y-Z and that for X you have to turn the dial Clockwise (which for some reason, there was no translation to) and for Y Counter-Clockwise and again Clockwise for Z.

She expressed great distress over this and said she was still uncertain on how to go about it. In between classes she needed to put things in her new locker, but there was no one around to help her on the floor where her locker resides - they were all in class at that time.

Gym class doesn't issue a uniform which seemed odd to her as I assume they get one back in Japan since ever time I've seen students they wore a uniform to school for normal class, that having an issued gym suit would be natural.

She though parenting class was fun and that the Math class was a little strict; translation the teach seemed to be a prude.

Another problem for Aya was that a lot of the work assigned or some items of discussion was written in cursive (handwritting) on the black or white board. Apparently Aya has not been taught in school what they characters are supposed to look like when linked. This will be yet another task which she will have to quickly master in order to continue, as I don't see that the teacher will print on the board to accomodate her.

The calm before the storm...

Tonight is the night before the start of school. I noticed Aya hasn't said much this evening, I believe she is mentally trying to prepare for school tomorrow.

I don't know why, but I have sympathetic nervous feeling about the whole ordeal, not unlike the first time you put your kid on a bike without training wheels and let them leave your grasp. It must be the fatherly instinct in me or just the compassion for another humans plight into the unknown.

I honestly think I could get sick to my stomach just wondering how the day will progress tomorrow. My oldest, Allie will be attending the High School for the first time as well, but as a Freshman - oddly I have not fear that she will do just fine. Part of the reason I have the most confidence in her there, is the fact that she knows a lot of the students there since they were part of the Junior High last year.

All I can ask is that God be at her side and always have communication go both ways with clear understanding. We want to debunk the "Tower of Babble" and hope things will go smooth. (Fingers crossed)

They both should go to bed early tonight for I will have to wake them bright and early at 05:00 a.m. - this ought to be interesting.

Wish us luck...

Reservation not required

Regrettably it's been several days since my last post. It seems like time is flying by, though I want this month to chug along a bit more.

Aya had her Math Placement test on Tuesday the 14Th, the experience was odd according to my wife. She was brought to the school in the morning and there were about 15 students awaiting to take the test in the lobby or cafeteria. My wife asked Aya to go sit with the other students waiting, but she froze - didn't want to go in to sit with the other students. My wife had to ask Aya 3 times before she moved, ever so hesitantly.

Finally the Math teacher came down to greet the students and told them they had to proceed up to the 3rd floor; all but Aya started walking towards the stairs. My wife told her she had to go with the students and that she couldn't go with her or support her during the test. I don't know why she thinks there will be someone with her during her testing or schooling, though we've explained that to her already. I am guessing she's got 2nd thoughts about all this, but wants to suceed.

That evening I spoke with Aya, asking her about the test. She said it was little difficult because there were some word problems, but the answer sheet were (fill in the circle) multiple choice which made it easier. The questions (equations) were fairly easy she said (as I knew this since her math back in Japan seemed to be like 1st or 2nd year of college here).

Aya seems a little more relaxed now, however a little more reserved when it comes to certain situations. She does the dishes every night and shares that responsibility with one of our daughters, switching between rinsing or washing.

We sat down one night and created a chore list and either assigned or asked for volunteers from the children (ours and the exchange student). Granted we don't have a lot, my own kids make it seem like it's the end of the world and I am driving them to the bone. Sadly I had double their chores when I was their age as I am sure my parents had triple mine; we seem to be breeding children who expect more and do less with each generation.

Aya says she's lives in the country side, but somehow I don't envision that being an island and near cities and tourists year round. Who am I to argue, I've never been, but can view on a map (I've tried Google Earth, but it doesn't show a lot of detail in other countries as well as North America).

The other night I started to practice her English again, but I think she didn't really review the words nor looked up the definitions as we talked about. Not sure if she's becoming lazy, bored, forgetful or has this feeling that she may miraculously do well and doesn't need to review anything.

She seems to retreat to her room often; sometimes reading some Japanese subject books (little guide books from her High School or write in her daily journal), sometimes napping through parts of the day.

During some of our discussions, I get the feeling she goes places all the time with her friends back home and must have envisioned her stay in America to be the same (New York & Boston) or any other major city in the United States. Many things to do in those cities, where as in the small town of United States, we've got corn, woods and the activities she's used to are missing. Shopping, mall walking, arcades, beaches, hanging out where there are a lot of people, movie theaters and bus/train stations.

I don't feel my sole purpose here is to keep her entertained, but I try to keep her comfortable.

I've tried to explain to her this isn't really a site-seeing trip or vacation, this is a one-year sink or swim in an American High School taking American studies: U.S. History, Literature etc. all in English, taught by English teachers. She assured me she understood, but still acts nervous when we discuss it.