Homesick

We were told during pre-orientation and in the Host Family guide book this time would come. It is one of the phases a young student goes through, during their stay aboard. If it were only a few weeks, it may not have a chance to kick in, but a stay like a school year will definitely have an effect.

I think I realized she was feeling a little blue during the past 2 weeks or so, but haven't actually spoken to Aya about her feelings of homesickness due to the fear of just asking about would bring it about.

She told me that a classmate from her High School in Okinawa who is now with a Host Family is extremely homesick, which started the minute he left from Okinawa to Narita (Tokyo).

She told me she had cried on the flight over to the United States, but seems to have recovered well which is why I didn't notice. I think today she might have phoned him (using her calling card) and by just talking to him and emailing him caused her to realize that she too missed Japan (its food, its lifestyle and its TV programming).

You can see it in her eyes (holding back moisture) - she longs for eating Mochi and enjoys watching old shows on YouTube. She even has text books that are written in Japanese that her mom sent over that has English on opposite page to aid her in studying U.S. History and others which are just Manga and other magazines (comfort items).

This in conjunction of her staying in contact with her Japanese friends (exchange students in the U.S. and friends from back home) causes more emotional confusion.

Per the guide book, we are supposed to limit her contact with her home and email; it will only cause her to withdraw more so instead of being more outgoing.

I asked Aya if there was anything bothering her. She said she felt a little animosity from my oldest whom she shares a room with during her stay. It seems my oldest daughter is trying to keep ties with her friends, yet keep a connection with Aya. Allies friends seem to be winning. This only exacerbates Aya's feeling of isolation.

I spoke with Aya and told her that there is 3 years age difference and as a Freshman, Allie is going through a lot of changes (new school, old/new friends) and sometimes it can be overwhelming when she has to choose how to keep everyone happy, including her parents. The whole maturing process.

Somehow Aya feels like Allie is upset with her. I know it doesn't help when Allie's friend asks to go places without having to have a tag along - this includes our youngest daughter as well. We did explain to Allie that she would have to understand you can't just turn on or off your NEW sister because you want to go hang-out with your friends. This is part of the experience and part of the learning curve both sides have to adjust to.

We (my wife and I) questioned Allie alone about how she felt and if she was upset with Aya for anything. She told us there was no issue that she knew of. Allie had tried to invite Aya to go to the movies or mentioned that her friend wanted to go to the Spencer fair and that she was welcome. Each time Aya declined. I can only think that maybe Aya is getting the feeling from one of Allie's friends not to be included. /sigh girls...

It may be a long road to cheer Aya up and make Allie understand that we have a NEW person in the home living with us; we can't make her feel like she's not part of the family (for they have no where else to turn or go).

In the past week or so, my wife and I have noticed Aya retreating to an quiet area I set up in the downstairs entertainment room to study with desk and good lighting - a place to just get away. Some people can study just fine with music on a bed or on the floor (like Allie), where as Aya seems to be accustomed to studying at a desk in a library like environment.