Time seems to going by rather quickly after the Holiday rush has passed and we look to be getting back into the same ol' grind. Me back to work and the kids and my wife back to school.
Recently Aya had to hand in a research paper for History class. One which she feels is over burdened with work, especially for someone who is new to the country and is still grasping our language.I have to admit she isn't putting as much effort into learning English as I had hoped. Viewing her desk area, I still see the worksheets I gave her to practice her cursive (penmanship) which she had not touched.
We both are getting the impression she didn't come to America to exchange culture, but merely was an escape to see America and do as many fun things she can at other peoples expense.
I try not to put a negative spin, but sometimes things get rough with exchange students. I think mostly some of these kids come from well-to-do families and though they've studied hard to at least get this far, they simply expect to live like a guest still in our homes.
At this point, I no longer view her as a guest but as person who lives her and has responsibilities just like I would expect from our own children. The host family isn't supposed to be a shuttle service or just a place to crash; at least in my eyes.
I have heard some stories of children from other countries who are really wild and crazy and put a bad taste in the families who host as I am sure students who stay can tell some wild stories of how bad the host families were to them.
You have to take the good with the bad. I am trying to find the silver lining and keep the family in a happy co-existence.
Negative Key Points I've noticed so far:
- The expectation that every day should be an entertaining day for her: e.g. Go to the mall and hang out, shopping, go to a party, go hang out with friends (some of whom have boyfriends of 21) all to prevent boredom, which she says often.
- Homework isn't going always going to be easy and if you have questions ask the teacher for help. The teacher's have expressed to me if she has any questions what-so-ever please have her e-mail them as the teachers regularly check their mail at night. This is almost never done.
- Time management and poor planning is constant.
a) School work isn't started until just after dinner and the children get home by 2:30 pm, thus she stays up until mid-night to complete the assignments.
b) She lately has been wanting to go over friends houses, which isn't a bad thing but she never knows how she is going to get there, the time frame of stay and who is going to pick her up. - it seems to be spontaneous.
- Fails to make a whole-hearted attempt to get to know my oldest friends, even when they come over and/or invite her to the mall or movies. She seems to relate more to my youngest daughter than our oldest who is a High School Freshman rather than a 5th grader.
- Keeps to herself though we've invited her to play board games and watch a movie with us, instead she'd rather text page her friends from school or watch a DVD movie on the portable player.
- My oldest daughter was expecting someone she could hang out with and enjoy things together, to share their life experiences and culture exchange - but none of that is occurring which is sad.
- Spends more time on Japanese web sites and Myspace than she ought to - though she does ask for permission to use the PC when my oldest is on her own (shared PC).
- Forgot her mothers birthday - no phone call or card and failed to send a New Year's Card which is celebrated more over in Japan.
Positive Key Points:
- She enjoys Boston, and looks forward to every trip there. Especially because she knows there are a few Japanese shops there and mini-mall with back alley eateries like one would find in the outskirts of Osaka or Tokyo, or at least if you use your imagination you can see yourself there.
- She plays with our youngest often, whether its tickle fights, scare fights, Nintendo and general sibling taunting and teasing up to the point when they annoy each other because they don't know went to stop.
- Does most of her chores regularly except feeding the fish - I suppose if you come from a country that spends a lot of time eating them, rather than thinking of them as pets. (I am expecting dead fish before the Summer)
- Is quiet most of the time and asks permission to enter our PC/Office room every time we are in there and stands patiently at the door until we acknowledge her for her to ask.
- Never talks during car rides: Long or short (this is in a positive section because its nice to not hear fighting from that side of the car).
2 comments:
I had a Japanese roommate when I was in college. I was very frustrated, much the way you are. I found her to be constantly sleeping, refusing to get onto American time, and staying in Japan, at least with her cercaidian rhythms.
The concept of manners in Japan is VASTLY different than our concept. Eye contact, shaking hands, engaging in conversation, and many other American signs of friendliness are considered the height of rudeness for a Japanese woman (or man for that matter). I've met so many Japanese women who much prefer to speak English to Japanese. "When I speak English, I can be myself. when I speak Japanese, I have to play a role," they say.
It's so difficult for a person from such a restrictive and oppressive culture to negotiate the social minefield of American culture. She has to keep in mind that she will be returning to Japan and cannot become too accustomed to our culture or she'll get burned. She must be thinking constantly, "I'd never get away with that."
There are also many personality variants among Japanese people. I just found the things you describe to be the rule instead of the exception.
I've also found that one's expectations of travel are usually delightfully opposite of the actual outcome. It is typical for Missionaries to have their faith deepened more than they deepen the faith of others. It's common for an American to truely appreciate America when they are in a foreign country. It is more common for a friend to get to know themselves better when they open their heart to another person's story.
Hi thanks for posting here and leaving a mind full of your input and observations.
I did explain to here that she need to greet people when they come home, much as they do in Japan. She apparently was unaware - for everyone said hello except her to me or my wife.
After our talk - she had been regularly saying Hello when we come home.
At dinner I noticed and other times like when she's going from one part of the house to another, she does not make eye contact at all or even fails to smile. It would appear as a pout or expession of unhappiness.
She does make eye contact when asked a question but otherwise keeps to herself in car rides, at dinner etc. (It sort of makes you feel uncofortable, you have this person in your home and they almost pretend to exist).
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